over my head.

most of the time, i tend to speak too soon. and i wish i could go back and redo it. i messed up. and it seems like i have lost someone i was really enjoying and i wanted deeply in my life for a long time. real smooth sam, real smooth.
i need to be more careful. i opened up to him and after that we got so much closer almost instantly. i don't know what happened, besides that he really disrespected me and i told him that wasn't going to fly. i made it clear that was his one free pass. i don't really understand. if you mess up, and i give you another chance and stick by you, and you seem like you are happy about that, why be so standoffish? he would talk to me everyday and ask to see me everyday, and since all that happened, he won't really talk to me.
i know it is really dumb, but if i would have just been more easy going, reacted calmly, probably none of this would have happened. he ditched me, yeah that is really something that makes me mad. and he hung up on me, strike two. i don't know. i wish i could redo it all and fix it. i really like him and could really see something developing. i wish i would have said yes when he asked me to be his girl, instead of we should wait a little longer. whenever i am at the brink of losing someone, even though it might not always be my fault, i push everything that they have done that has made me upset aside, and i just want them back. it's breaking my heart and i really just want him back.

i really
really
just want him back.