a stick up.

today is the big risky day. the one that i kept pushing the date back and back. and i am glad that i kept with it and waited. i need answers. i need closure. and he is the only one who can give it to me.
i don't know what i am going to say. i just want an explanation and then i want to tell him how much of a dick he is. note to all men: you shouldn't ask a girl to be your girlfriend, lead her on, then sleep with her like it's something special, then the pretty much next day tell one of her friends that she is not of interest to you anylonger. i should write a book on what men should't do. i would make millions.
his problem is that he doesn't take things seriously. he doesn't take anything seriously. so i am guessing when i got serious, he freaked the fuck out and pushed me away. or he could just be a major womanizer and does this to ever girl that passes his way and treats him well. he made it seem like the girls in his past were awful, used him, cheated on him, tore him apart, and sucked the life out of him. mostly everyone makes their ex's out to be that way. but he is the one who has sucked the life out of me. just because you have been hurt in the past doesn't make it ok to hurt someone else.
it wouldn't have worked anyways. as bad as i wanted it to, there was no compromising with him. and it is straight up exhausting to constantly give. someone like that doesn't deserve my sweet time.
someone like that doesn't deserve a girl like me.
someone like that doesn't deserve me. period.

when someone breaks you down to feel worthless, to feel ugly or unworthy, you just need to think of the positive things about yourself over and over again.
i would be a good girlfriend. i have learned enough in the past to know how to be myself yet keep my partner happy. i am adventurous. i am honest. and i am thoughtful.
my friend alysia whom i have known since first grade told me that i bring out the best in people, that i make people want to do better things but at the same time it encourages me to do good as well. she called it a circle of positive sam. she complements me at least everyday. it's feels real good when someone notices the good in you too.

karma is going to get him.