real smooth.

i have been really obnoxious the past couple of days. and it's making me look like a douche bag and i think i'm going to go throw up now.
nerves.

/edit.

are you cooking? yeah dude.
let's launch over it.
sweet new layout. you see? you like?

anyways. work has been pretty good this week. major bitch bonding. sometimes i love work, but sometimes i absolutely hate it. seriously i am not very good at talking people into getting a credit card. i don't want to trick people into it. i don't want to trick people who don't speak english very well. i hate trying to get people to get shit i know they don't want. but other than that, it's fine. oh and some of the high school bitches are like oh you're not in school?! like what are you doing? and i'm think twat sorry i don't have mommy and daddy paying for me to do whatever the hell i want. i owe 14 grand. that's more money than you can imagine at this point in your life. have you ever supported yourself? have you ever worked full time? no. so lay off i'm doing things this way not the free ride out. damn. see what i'm sayin? our floor set was last week. we were all there until three am. some cute new things and a new bra that pumps up the volume if you're pickin up what i'm puttin down. cocktailing is different. since david left, we got a new manager, brad. he is pretty fly. but they hired a bunch of new thangs that think they run it now. i have been there longer than any other cocktail aka four months. they have been there not even two weeks. in a restaurant or bar, seniority runs that like wild. they need to learn their place because i really don't want to have to put them in it. ok but the new boss man brad, he let me kinda tweak my schedule so i don't have to work all weekend every weekend. for example; this weekend i am working friday and saturday. next weekend i will just work saturday. the week after that i will work friday and saturday again, and so on and so forth. get it?
that job is really easy. you learn how to smooze people. the new girls all kinda dress like skanks. and it's really nice that i don't have to degrade myself to still make good money. i look classy. and people tend to like it. and brad said that he is using me as an example of how to dress. that feels pretty good. working there totally boosts my self esteem. i mean all the babes that come in are way over 35, i'd say pushing 40 and up. i am the youngest person in there. confidence is really attractive. i know when i feel good, i look good. and it just radiates. and it's not cockiness it's more like a playful aura. i love seeing people happy and comfortable in their own skin. as much as i envy them, i am glad to know that it is possible.
which reminds me. last saturday i ran six miles. i was totally surprised. i haven't ran since like... junior or senior year in high school before my shins blew out. my dad took me to the 24 that he goes to. i have a week pass i need to start. he said he would get me a membership because he gets a discount from u.p. and whatnot. i am definitely determined to loose the belly. my dad has lost so much weight. he looks great! it's obvious he is feeling better. i think the doctor lowered his dosage of uppers too. i got kinda unmotivated and never refilled my pill box last week. so for a week i was washed out. maybe that's why work was kind of a bummer last week? and the sean thing hit me harder than it would have any other time. oh well. i am keeping that all stocked.

i feel exposed knowing that i know the people who read this. and they actually do read it. but i figure, they are my friends. if they don't know, they will eventually. sometimes you have to get out what you have been feeling, what you have been thinking, what you have been doing and such to feel better. to feel clean. writing is easier.