wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tubeman.

i have been nocturnal for the past week, but i think i may have fixed it for the most part last night. which is good, being away all night when everyone else is sleeping, nothing is opened, and there is nothing good on tv is real boring.

i finally watched benjamin button. it was AMAZING. just the general story was awesome. but the filming, beautiful. especially the lighting. the director really did a good job putting the story to life. i was tearing up for a nice hunk of the movie. rachael getting married should be arriving in the mail tomorrow, but i still have jarhead and shindler's list in that need to be watched.

work has not been my favorite thing the past couple of weeks. i have hardly been getting any hours. this week i got over twenty but shit, i need at least 35. so tonight, i went and got copies of my resume and filled out a few applications. i probably won't leave aerie, i just need another job, a full time job. being broke is not a lot of fun. i know money doesn't make happiness, but it sure as hell makes life a lot easier.

my mom's birthday is in a week. and i have no money to get her a present. i get paid two days after her birthday so i will be getting her a manicure/pedicure then, but i would have really liked to have given her her present on her actual birthday.

in general, things are all over the place. i find myself happy one day and in a rut the next. but i have been hanging and talking with people that i really love and make me feel good so that is helping. i just need to find my niche, and i know where it is, but getting back into it is the hard part. i am sick of having friends that don't care as much as i do, or even at all. it doesn't feel good to be the person who is walked all over, or made fun of all the time, or is given a hard time for how i was made. i don't understand. i do nothing back to people to make them want to be such dicks to me. but maybe that is it. they do it to me because i generally let them.
but fuck it. karma is going to get them.

i miss brien sometimes still. he is what i want in general in a man, but obviously he is a jackass so that isn't going to happen. that's ok. i deserve better. right? karma is going to get him too.
i have learned that from every person that you date, or have a relationship with, you learn more and more about yourself and about what you are really attracted to and looking for. i hve gotten to the point that i know pretty damn well what i want and what i need. so even though things don't always work out how you plan, you learn from it and are a better version of you from that experience.

alysia has been looking for dogs. and i have been going with her to browse. there is this all black german sheppard that i am in love with. i named her lola. she has been there the past five times we have been there in three weeks. she remembers who i am and i see her becoming more comfortable and opening up more and more every time i visit. today when i saw her, she was outside hanging with some other dogs, and as soon as we walked outside i saw her pop-up and she started freaking out. she is growing out of her one floppy ear, which is fine but it was so cute. they lowered her price by $100 but there is still no way i can afford her. i wish there was some way i could adopt her.

it has been balls hot. eighty degrees is way to fucking hot for me. i cut it off at 75. summer is going to turn me into dust. grumpy grumpy dust.
ugh.