i have lost.

i feel numb. i am sick. and i feel like i am dead on the inside.
i want to write and get it all out. but it's all the same. i've made the same mistakes and things haven't changed. this feeling of being stuck, being in a standstill, is eating my alive.
who am i supposed to be by now. this is not what i had imagined or what i had planned or hoped for. it's not like life totally blows. it's just that my goals aren't met. i am disappointed with myself and who i am at this point.

"it's really about meeting someone and remembering all that has gone wrong in your previous relationships, but still wanting so badly to make this new one work. and you just hope you are good enough.
i still don't know if i am."
thanks mat. i hope sharing your very relatable quote is ok.
check out his tunes. trust is great.

that's all for now. i have to be up in less than three hours and having a sinus infection isn't going to help that.